There were several weeks in my Family Medicine rotation in which I drove home silently in tears at the end of every day. Everyone had told me it would be a fun rotation where everyone was nice. And everyone was nice. Except I wasn’t having fun because I constantly felt like I wasn’t meeting expectations. I couldn’t recall screening guidelines or the immunization schedule. I missed some crucial history questions in a back pain encounter, even with the help of the Core Back Tool questionnaire. I was taking too long for each encounter but wasn’t able to gather enough of the relevant history. My preceptors often had to step in to quickly redo the history and physical, completing in 5 minutes what I had failed to complete in 30. At midterm evaluation, my core preceptor made it clear that I was failing to meet expectations many aspects, but would give me all “3 – meets expectations” because they were kind. I had spent the first half of my rotation working harder each day to study and memorize the content. Yet I still couldn’t seem to answer any of the questions my preceptors or patients asked. But despite all my hard work and determination to improve clinical skills, I was failing to meet expectations. The next three weeks were difficult in many ways. I didn’t feel motivated. Yet I felt obliged to smile and say “I’m fine thanks!”, and “yeah, I’m really enjoying this rotation” whenever residents, preceptors, or classmates asked. All of my colleagues seemed to be enjoying their rotation and exceeding expectations while I was struggling. I constantly felt lonely in the busy clinic, surrounded by people. I wish I could tell you I somehow did a 180 and after an all-nighter (like the Mulan training scene) I finally came to feel competent. To this day, I shudder when I hear “Family Medicine clinics”. But that’s okay. Medicine is such a varied field that it might take time for you to find your niche. You don’t need to excel in everything and you don’t need to like what every else seems to like. Just keep an open mind throughout the rotations, you never know where you find you fit best. Wishing you all the best throughout your clerkship adventures! 🙂

– CC4